Nobody Warned Me About Any of This
- Christine Spencer
- Jul 6
- 5 min read
It was 1984-ish. I was 13-ish. And the worst possible thing had just happened.
My period came and I wasn't at home.
This wasn't the first time, I was 11 when I got it the first time, but because 13-year-old me had no idea that I could have tracked this 28-day cycle and been prepared, every month was still a surprise. We were at my grandparents' house, which brought some relief. Surely there were supplies somewhere. I went into the only bathroom in the house and began the search, under the cabinet, linen closet, drawers, medicine cabinet. Nothing. Not even a random pad. How does my grandmother not have a single feminine product anywhere in this house?
Here's the thing about being a Gen X teen: we figured a lot of things out on our own. We had that one day of deeply uncomfortable human development presentation in 6th grade, but who could retain any information when every ounce of your concentration was dedicated to avoiding eye contact with literally anyone in the room? Let's be honest, if it weren't for Judy Blume, most of us would have been completely lost.
So 13-year-old me, who barely understood that her cycle repeated every 28 days, had absolutely zero chance of understanding that the reason my grandmother's bathroom was a feminine product desert was menopause. Along with the figuring-it-out-ourselves came a lot of urban legends, and that same tradition of misinformation, silence, and collective confusion has followed us right into midlife.
So let me tell you what nobody warned us about.
The sweating. Just... the sweating. And let me be clear: I am already a sweaty person. I sweat standing still if the temperature is above 85 degrees, which is not ideal when you live in Florida. But this is next-level sweating. It gives zero Fs whether the air conditioning is cranked to 68, because your body will simply decide, on its own schedule with zero input from you, that it is time. Decide to go shopping with a friend and try on a few things? The act of pulling on a cute top in a dressing room will leave you looking like you have just completed a full Ironman triathlon in the middle of August. And don't even get me started on the night sweats.
Whatever the hell it's called when you have a front-row seat as your kids become adults and start achieving their own dreams, and the waves of pride, relief, excitement, grief, and utter terror wash over you... all simultaneously... in the checkout line at the grocery store.
The quest to find a doctor who doesn't immediately gaslight you the first time you mention that you are noticing changes in your body. Or, if you avoid the gaslighting, who offers something more useful than "eat fewer carbs" as a solution, without once asking how many carbs you actually eat in a day.
Waking up on Tuesday feeling 35 and completely capable of conquering the world. Waking up on Wednesday and feeling like that same body is 80, barely able to make it from the bed to the bathroom because your knees and hips have decided to impersonate the Tin Man in The Wizard of Oz before Dorothy found the oil can. Same body. Twenty-four hours apart.
Suddenly developing a sweet tooth you have never had before, to the degree that you cannot resist any cookie that crosses your path. Yes, even the ones that look like they were assembled from chalk dust and glue sticks and have a shelf life of ten to fourteen weeks.
Realizing how many months... or honestly, years... have passed since the name of the friend who made you laugh until your cheeks ached popped up on your phone. And then realizing it's been even longer since you've genuinely laughed like that with anyone.
The fear of being mistaken for the generation older than you are. For me that would be a Boomer. Being called ma'am constantly is already a lot. I will not be taking questions.
Here's what's behind all of this, and it's not funny: women's health has been systematically under-researched, underfunded, and under-discussed for a very long time.
In 2020, only 5% of global research and development funding was allocated to women's health, and of that 5%, a full quarter was directed specifically toward fertility research, leaving everything else, the hormonal transitions, the cognitive changes, the conditions that disproportionately affect women, with almost nothing. Endometriosis alone affects one in ten women worldwide and has received less research funding than male pattern baldness.
A 2024 World Economic Forum report found that closing the gender health gap could unlock one trillion dollars in global economic benefits by 2040. One trillion. Which means the world has known this gap exists and has largely chosen not to close it.
These numbers aren't a Gen X problem. They're a problem that goes back generations, my grandmother's generation, and the ones before her. And they will continue to be someone's problem unless enough of us start talking about it loudly enough that it becomes impossible to ignore.
This is part of why I started Sunbeams & Sequins. Not to replace doctors or clinical research, but to normalize conversations about what women are actually experiencing, in language that is honest and direct and occasionally makes you laugh so you don't cry. When we talk about this openly, we stop suffering in silence. When we stop suffering in silence, we build community. When we build community, we create demand for the research and education that should have existed all along.
Nobody warned 13-year-old Christine about how to use a 28-day cycle to be prepared, or why older women stop stocking pads in their bathrooms. 50-year-old Christine thought she was better informed. 55-year-old Christine knows differently.
What's the thing nobody warned you about aging as a woman?
Tell me in the comments.
I have a feeling I'm not the only one with a list.
If you're looking for a place to start making sense of all of this, the Radiant Day Starter Kit is free. It's a short, honest daily practice framework built for the reality of midlife, not the version where you have unlimited time and energy. Download it at the link in my bio or grab it here:
Everything else at Sunbeams & Sequins will still be there when you're ready.